to do list: get goggles

okay, so here i am cruising on down the path by the ottawa river. yes, it is beautiful, relaxing, warm with a nice breeze flowing through my curly hair. boy, it’s gonna look awesome when i am done. curls standing up all over the place. but who cares, i’m riding my bike. well, actually it’s not my bike, it’s my daughter’s bike. that’s right we share bikes.

there are tons of people on the bike path. biking at extreme speeds. yeah, and those guys and gals wear head to toe spandex. and i watch them go by and appreciate their form. when they pass me they say, “passing on your left” followed by a WHIZZZ. i stand up and peddle faster, try to catch up. if only for a few seconds.

there are people jogging by themselves or in groups. the ones in groups are talking. women are talking about “he didn’t call me back yet” and men are talking about “when should we go golfing” and the loners pass with blaring music from ear buds. don’t they know that they are killing their ear drums? eh? turn that down, man.

i pick up some speed because those hip old folk are passing me now. i am gliding steadily forward. the wind is drying out my eyes. i can see in the distance a quarry of bugs, or a mob of little black flies. i keep my eyes open and look harder. DAMN IT!!

those little black flies fly right into my eyes. i am blinded. my vision blurred. damn, where’s those hazard lights? shit. i am swerving around on the path. i hear bells ringing. and my eyes are closed and they are burning. why am i still peddling?

i finally come to what sense i have left and stop on the side of the road. i dig fingers into my eyes. i use the edge of my shirt and scrape away at my eyes. nothing comes out. and tears are flowing. damn.

when i get home. eyes red. eyes stinging. i tell my tale to my daughters. grace says, “oh yeah, i see the flies. there’s one in each corner” then backs away from me, a bit disturbed and grossed out. she’s got a weak stomach and can’t handle these types of things.

i dig out the flies. they are two little black dots. they are unrecognizable as flies now.

and my eyes still sting. i must get some goggles. i wonder if they are on sale somewhere. or if there’s a discount on group-on?


4 thoughts on “to do list: get goggles

    • You’re laughing and my eyes are still stinging. I thought you loved me Crystal?!! EYYYY!! JK. Thanks for thinking it was funny. I wanted to write something different you know? Gonna write some more funny stuff. How you doing? How’s the writing? Come on, tell me!!


  1. Them pesky black flies.
    They will crawl into anything to get a taste of humanness.

    I recommend wearing a visor,
    that has a large plastic armor attached to it.
    * like they wore in Vancouver’s Chinatown.
    * like the hipsters are now starting to think are cool.

    My bicycle was stolen just last week,
    wishing the bike fairies would steal me one in return,
    and deliver it to my front door
    – preferably with a case of brew too.


    • It’s funny you should mention those visors. The girls and I always bring it up once in a while. They don’t have them around here. The fad hasn’t caught on. Hope you get a new bike! Pesky blackflies and bike stealers.


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