if he were here today

i would tell him that i understand that being a father isn’t easy

i would tell him about many friends and family who have their own stories

buried deep within them and how they keep it packed

down where it out weighs the light of a new day

and the only thing that keeps them going is

another drink

another toke

another hit of whatever it is that dulls the pain

of not being held as a child by the man who was a father

distant even when in them same vicinity

lacking the knowledge that parents all make mistakes

responsible of those little ones who search for a role model

and not finding it so anger dwells instead



if he were here today

i would tell him that being a father

to me and my brothers must have been tough

when he looked into our innocent brown eyes he saw reflections of himself

and when he beat my brothers did he think that he was making them strong

to withstand a world hell bent on keeping them down

or convinced that this was the only way to make them behave

he was only re-enacting lessons learned in dormitories

the fear was instilled and passed on to all of us

it’s easier to hold on than to let go


if he were here today

i would tell him

it’s not his fault

our family was broken and didn’t have a chance right from the beginning

the fault lies somewhere behind walls where orders are given and carried out

by men and women dressed in black cloaks and smocks

enforced by men with a badge to serve and protect

re-enforced by daily beatings for speaking the natural language of this land

and the raping of indian children invoked a silence lined with shame

in an era of self-righteous governance that takes children away from families

and all that is left is a constant reminder of what was

love will always be something that we all search for

a place where days like today

will not ache when we think of our fathers

one day we will choose to forgive our fathers

one day we will choose to do things different

one day we will choose to learn from our fathers

and with each new day we remember that we have a choice

that spirit strives to re-connect with body and mind

we will reclaim a balance in the name of our fathers

for our mothers

for our selves

and for each other


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