wishing upon stars and digging into the earth

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the grave is a shallow one

under the playground sand lies
secrets held between breaths where at times i held
with cheeks ballooned out afraid to breathe
in the back of the house was a forest where i stayed
for hours digging in the black earth until it was under every nail
i inhaled the wet musty fragrance, remembering
the smell of the pine tree roots, waiting for a truth to surface
each day i returned and dug into the earth
each day nothing changed
and no matter how much you wish upon falling stars
you may never get what you want
although change is constant

this i would eventually learn as winters passed
and the winters are now stacked
up one upon each other reaching for the sky above
from this vantage point i can now see that
wishing on a star is more of imagining an alternate universe
that you can get lost in
so when you return
it may seem that change never occurs
or it may seem that the world has indeed moved on
with or without me

if i were to go back to the forest
dig my fingers into the black earth, releasing
all those secret wishes on butterfly wings
would it be like going back in time?
would it alter the present?
would i forever change the space time continuum?

perhaps instead of digging holes in the earth and having secret wishes
i should follow instinct and let it be the guide

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