napowrimo – the world gets dark – daaswishiniizh giizhgad – day twelve

my daughters once said to me, mom what if you’re in a coma right now and we’re not even real. what an awful thought. but it really made me think about reality; people in comas; residential school experiments; mental institution experiments; and the delicate balance of mental stability and spiritual distress. anyhow, thanks for stopping by and reading these poetic deliberations. ps. how would you write this? i’m interested in reading other poetic thoughts.



its dark in here

there’s ringing in my ears

a gentle nudge on my shoulder

eyes flutter and open

squinting through the glaring light

so many piercing eyes

surround me

scrutinizing from above


its been so long since i’ve been in this darkness

this dreamy haze

i search for my daughters’ moon crescent eyes

none of these eyes resemble mine

my hearts quickens

the heat rises beneath the surface

throat aches

tongue is heavy

lips stick together, ripping apart as i stammer


hands hold me down, pressing against my shoulder, pinning me to the gurney

the words don’t make any sense, as if they’re mumbling with rocks in their mouths

telling me there are no daughters, no family, that i am alone

the people around me look at each other, i can see the concern, the questioning looks

the beating of my heart is thundering, pulsing in my head

an ache spreads across the surface of my skin and sinks into my bones

the words tremble, no daughters?

the words leap, no daughters?

the words form, no family?

a mechanical beeping sound screams


there’s a needle entering my arm

the world gets dark

once again

the sky becomes a new shade of blue as the sun lifts in the east

walking along the lake back home, the ice is breaking up

waves sneak up the shore, we run quick to get away

holding, swinging, squeezing my daughters hands

we follow the trail back to the sugar bush

a fire in the distance rises and the smoke drifts

our family waves us in

my daughters let go of my hands, running ahead

giving chase close behind, i scoop them up

not wanting to let them go

squeezing my eyes shut, making a wish

that these girls are really here as i smell the sweetgrass smoke in their hair

holding them closer to me

almost afraid to open my eyes

the world gets dark

once again

i am holding on

skimming the surface and balancing


these realities

embracing one

running from another


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